Oh no! We kinda suck a little!

They say that you shouldn't post angry. They also say that you shouldn't use the term 'you' and, instead, should say 'one'. As in: One should not use the term 'you'. Well, they can chew on my balloon knot. I write like I want to.

I'm in a Pick 'Em league with some guys. If you don't know what that is, that's where you pick the winners of each NFL game each week. So that means, every week, I get to show my friends how incredibly stupid I am, and then I have to spend the rest of the week defending my stupid decisions. Basically, it's like real life.

This week I picked the Saints to win. I just KNEW that we would walk the dog on the Cardinals. Oh, I'm sorry, did you just remark that I said, 'we'? You're absolutely right I did. As long as I can remember, I've always been a Saints fan. When I was a kid, I used to think I was Archie Manning. My cat's name is Archie now. (Passing on the greatness.) As I grew older, I was convinced that if I ever had a child, I'd name him Dalton, after Dalton Hilliard...not the Dalton from the movie "Road House". I'm not that much of white trash. OK, maybe I am. Anyway, the point is, I've paid my dues as a Saints fan. I can say, "we". And I will.

Onto the game notes! This week, I started tagging the notes with timestamps. The timestamps notate how much time was on the clock when the note was taken.

***Pregame***
*Either I'm going through an identity crisis, or I'm maturing. Today I had to go to my son's soccer game. This kid caught a soccer ball dead in the eye and started crying. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to stand up, point at this kid, laugh, and say something like, "Ha ha! You got stuck dead in the eye! How does it feel to be the only person crying in front of a large crowd of people?" But I didn't. I didn't even giggle to myself. I'm going to need to do more research on this phenomenon.

*Today's game time snack: Ben and Jerry's Cookies and Milk ice cream. Oh, that stuff is good. I like Ben and Jerry. When they give a flavor to an ice cream, they're not messing around. It really tastes like dipping cookies in milk.

*Today's game time drink: Turkey Hill Orange Tea. Two, two, TWO great flavors in one. Very yummy.

*Kurt Warner is providing color commentary for the game. I think he was born with a 5 'o clock shadow.

***First Quarter***
*14:51: Bad opening kickoff. Everyone looked like they were in slo-motion. Is it "slow motion" or "slo-motion"? I'll never know.

*12:56: Good interception! Let's give the ball to the offense and hope they can cure their scoring woes.

*12:48: I can't recall the last time I've ever seen Drew Brees scramble for yardage. Let's hope I never see it again.

*10:03: There's nothing more awkward than seeing a person in the crowd who knows he's on TV. He looks at the camera, he looks at the video monitor, he looks back at the camera

*9:49: 3 points off of the turnover. That's like 3 free points!

*7:02: I hate Taco Bell. I hate the New York Yankees. I hate everything that these two organizations stand for. That's why it pains me to love Taco Bell's new commercial with the Yankees manager pulling the guy off the Giant Chalupa. It's funny.

*6:12: Another incomplete pass to Colston. Something seems just a little bit off. We're just a tiny glitch away from completing on big plays.

*5:39: I'm so falling in love with Ladell Betts. He's a hard runner. Nothing flashy or amazing...just all around good.

*2:38: Kurt Warner was talking about Dominique Rogers-Cromartie, and called him "DRC". hat's an awful nickname. You know, there was a time when nicknames were creative. Walter Payton was called, "Sweetness" because of his running style. Terry Bradshaw was called the "Blonde Bomber" because, at one time, he had beautiful blonde hair. I'm serious, look it up. Oh, and I can call his hair beautiful. I have a man crush on him. Anyway, here's the point. Nicknames were actually names. Now, nicknames are really just a series of acronyms. Terrel Owens? "T.O". Adrian Peterson? "A.P". It's just not creative and I find it a bit lazy. I've said it before, and I'll say it again great nicknames are earned, not given. Just don't ask me why they call me "Doodybird".

*2:13: Seriously Arizona? A timeout?! This is like a momentum stopping timeout that you would call in basketball.

*1:23: Nice touchdown. Shockey was all alone out there.

*1:21: More bad kick coverage. So far, that's the only part of the game I find lacking.

***Second Quarter***
*13:24: I like Larry Fitzgerald. He's a fantastic receiver and, from what I've seen in interviews, a pretty decent fellow. But then again, I've once said a long time ago that I'd like to bum a cigarette off of Mel Gibson. So maybe Fitzgerald Greco-Roman wrestles defenseless kittens in his free time.

*11:50: Nice sack! It's good to see some pressure on the QB. I just realized what I typed..."nice sack"? Ugh.

*9:40: I'm very relieved to see a consistent running game.

*7:22: And we have to punt. I'm hoping that the Cardinals don't creep into the game and keep it close.

*5:53: Max Hall, QB for Arizona, is looking like he has some confidence. We need a big hit or an interception to get that out of his system.

*3:43: Earlier they mentioned that San Diego got 9 sacks on the Cards last week. I'd like some of that. And we just got it. Sack #2.

*3:39: More pressure on the QB. Let's keep that up.

*3:21: Rare, horrendous mistake by Brees (throw off the mark) and Betts (dropped the pass) which turns into an interception by the goal line. Ow, that hurts!

*2:31: I hate close games.

*2:19: Their offensive lineman picks up a fumble for a touchdown...but I think we killed their QB in the process.

*1:10: Carney drives it home for 3. Looks like we're sleepwalking through the 2nd quarter.

***Halftime***
*So far, this has been a pretty tough game to watch. The Saints show signs that they can dominate this game at any time they wish...then they go into sleepwalk mode and let the Cardinals back into it. Even though we're winning, I'm still a bit disappointed.

*I've learned that it is pretty hard to pick my nose with my wife sitting right next to me. It's one thing to get my finger in...which is pretty easy. I have big nostrils. But once I get to the prize, then what? Can't flick it against the wall. Don't want to deposit them in the couch cushions. For now, I've designated a corner of the living room to be the booger drop spot. I won't say where it is exactly. Who knows? Maybe one of you will visit me one day and you'll spend the whole time looking for it. You know what? Forget I said anything. Back to the game!

***Third Quarter***
*14:41: Big hit and Brees gets the gall knocked loose. Seriously, we cannot take the Cardinals lightly.

*13:44: And we start with a three and out. Ugh. I'm starting to feel a little nervous.

*11:57: Hall fumbles the ball! And his offensive lineman jumps on it for a gain. Can this count towards their rushing yards?

*7:42: Nothing really noteworthy has happened in the 3rd quarter. Arizona has tied it up and Chris Ivory has had a couple of pretty good runs.

*6:50: Betts makes a pretty good over the shoulder catch. I wouldn't mind seeing him back next year.

*3:00: We're in the red zone. I think it is crucial that we score a touchdown here.

*2:10: A false start against the Saints inside the red zone. This may actually give us more room to score. EDIT: Spoke too soon. Betts gets stopped cold and we've got to go to Carney again.

*1:27: Carney misses...the football Gods continue to punish us on the day.

*End of the 3rd quarter: Pretty disappointing. The defense is starting to look a little tired and the offense has nothing to be confident about. We'll need a couple of big plays to re-energize and awaken them. Although, I think I've been saying that all season long.

***Fourth Quarter***
*11:39: The Cardinals drive and kick another field goal. They're up 16-13. Sheesh. This is getting on my nerves. Just like how my neighbors deciding to start cutting wood right next to our living room window. Wayne Brady is gonna have to choke a bitch.

*10:42: We fumble, they pick it up, they score touchdown. My posts will just boil down to being caveman-like grunts. Just like that, we're down by 10.

*10:42 (Commercial): Hey you jackholes singing about your Burger King breakfast sandwiches...I'm going to come over there and kick them out of your hands. Then you'll get to feel as bad as I do right now.

*9:04: Interception by the Cardinals! This is getting to be ri-God Damn-diculous! As Arizona is going to start running the ball to eat up time, our defense has got to be tired.

*7:57: Remember in the pregame notes when I said I didn't laugh at that kid who got smacked in the face? I should have laughed at him.

*6:00: Stuffed on 3rd and short! Look, I don't claim to be a great play caller. I don't even claim to be employed by a football-related organization. But that last series was a display in craptastic play calling. 'Craptastic' is a technical term and you can quote me!

*3:25: We've got the ball back and we're down by 10 points. Let's see if they decide to open the play book up, or just continue to make horrendous mistakes.

*3:06: It's one thing to run a hurry up offense for one score, but we're down by 10.

*2:48: Almost threw another interception. It's been that kind of day.

*2:24: Brees has been uncharacteristically inaccurate today. Maybe he's wearing his Super Bowl ring and throwing his balance off. Guys, keep the jewelry off the field.

*1:56: I was alluding to it earlier, but never outright came out and said it. But, we should have been killing these guys.

*1:49: We get a touchdown through a desperation play. Wow. Is it bad that I was nervous for the extra point? OK, everyone knows an onside kick is coming...here we go.

*1:49 (After kick): Here we went. Arizona has the ball and will now milk the clock. I'm so setting something on fire tonight.

*:24: We get the ball back on the 9 yard line. I don't want to say 'here we go' with an exclamation point. So...here we go?

*:10: Interception for a touchdown. Figures.

*:04: Maybe we can score 10 points with 4 seconds left! Maybe if I tried real hard, I could grow an arm out of my ass. Good! Kneel on the ball. Let's finish this garbage.

***Postgame Notes***
*Pathetic. So far this year, we have played down to our level of competition and it's finally come back to bite us.

*I've never seen Drew Brees so inaccurate.

*I guess I can sum up the performance in one word: "disappointing".

*We're only 5 weeks into the season, but it seems to be a grind already.

*By the way, Atlanta is on top of the division. Pardon me while I go set something on fire.