Can I get you anything, sir?

My girlfriend and I went out to dinner the other night. No, it wasn't the type of place where they ask if I'd like to 'supersize' anything. I guess that's because she chose the restaurant. Although, I would have bought her the hot apple pie. I like to pamper my baby.

As we went through ordering everything, our waiter, Brad, seemed to be really excited over everything we wanted. He'd ask us what we wanted to drink, then he'd freak out and go, "Excellent choice!" When we ordered the appetizer, he did it again, "Fabulous! This is really good!" As we went through the rest of menu, he just kept on doing it, and it was starting to make me feel like he wasn't being sincere. When my girlfriend asked for another glass of water he said, "Ooooh, good call ma'am!" That's when I knew he was just kissing our asses for a good tip.

I hate it when waiters try to schmooze you after you make a menu choice just to get an extra few bucks. It makes me feel like a retarded kid who just gave his parents the 37th piece of macaroni art but they don't want to tell him that they're sick of his terrible pasta creations so they just say things like "Oooh, Corky, that's sooooo good. You're so special!"

And another thing, it doesn't matter what you order, they're gonna say that patronizing crap anyway. I could have ordered a turd on a cracker and Brad would've gushed over my choice of cuisine by saying, "Tremendous choice, sir. I just had that last week." Well Brad, wipe the crap outta your teeth and get me another round of drinks, you're gonna have to find another way to hustle these last few bones outta my pocket.

-B
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