Cleanup on Aisle 5!

I love the grocery store. You can usually find me prancing behind a shopping cart once a week. Yeah, I prance in the grocery store. Why not? Now that I’m an adult and I have a steady job, I can get whatever I want. I don’t have to beg a parent to get me a giant bag of chips that I’ll probably nibble on for a minute and throw away later. I don’t have to justify any purchases anymore! I’m a grown man, and if I want to buy that Silly Putty in the toy section, I can do that! God, It’s so liberating.

The breakfast cereal aisle is my absolute favorite section of the grocery store. I usually get the most sugar loaded brand of cereal I can find. Take ‘Cookie Crisp’ for example. It’s nothing but a box of miniature chocolate chip cookies. How much more decadent can you get? Why don’t they just make a children’s cereal made out of chocolate bars, pop rocks, and jawbreakers? Better yet, make one for adults with Jack Daniel’s, coffee, and cigarettes?

Sometimes I’ll get a box of cereal just for the toy inside. I don’t care that I don’t even want the family sized Wheaties. They’re giving away wrist-held Batsignal and I need it! Why do I need it? Well, I can’t look like a totally cool superhero without it. DUH!

-B