Unfortunately I missed the first part of it: Palm Sunday. That’s when us Catholics all go to church and get a palm branch to take home. I don’t remember the significance of it. I think it’s supposed to represent when Jesus went to the Virgin Islands or something. I don’t remember it all, but Jesus had something to do with virgins, right? Or was it that the only chicks he could nail had to be virgins? My theology studies are lacking.
What little I do remember about Palm Sunday is that a palm branch isn’t a smart thing to give to a bunch of kids. When I was a kid my friends and I would take our palms and go out in the backyard and have branch fights. And we would whip the ever loving hell out of each other. One time my parents caught us coming back all bloody and they lost their minds. They yelled, “What the hell were ya’ll doing?” We answered, “We were just playing ‘Jesus’.”
After Palm Sunday comes Fat Tuesday, which we all know what that is. Then there is Ash Wednesday, or as I like to call it, ‘Dirt on Your Head Day’. This is what really kicks off the 40 days of Lent where we don’t eat meat on Fridays until Easter. But sometimes I can’t handle that. That’s why I carry around a can of SPAM, just in case of an emergency. We also supposed give something up during Lent. I guess its symbolic that the sacrifice we make is just like Jesus’ sacrifice. So me giving up gummy bears is supposed to be comparable to Jesus getting tortured and crucified. That seems fair enough to me.
Usually I try to give up an everyday bad habit drinking coffee or doing coke off of the asses of crackwhores. I gotta say though, forty days without those things can get really tough.
Want to play Jesus too? Click here!
-Y2
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