I've got something on my radar...

As I’m looking out the window, seeing this thunderstorm roll through, I'm sure the local weathermen are pretty pleased with themselves. They’re probably popping the corks on a few cases of champagne because they finally got a forecast right. This means that they’re off the hook for another five years.

With our meteorologists' track record the way it is, why don't we just give up on them and start looking out the window to see what the weather is like? You would think that they would get a forecast or two right once in a while with all of those Doppler radar systems they have. I bet that they probably don’t even use them for the weather. More than likely, they bought them for the same reason most people buy SUV’s…just to show them off and try to impress the neighbors.

I can just see it now at the local weatherman bar, or wherever they hang out, to talk about cirrus clouds and stuff…

Channel 4 guy Bill Sprinkle: You know, we just got that Super Doppler 2000 system in. It’s really quite an effective system.

Channel 7 weatherguy Stormy Raines: Oh yeah? Well we just installed the Super MEGA Doppler 10000.

Bill: Well, ours can show us where the weather is heading up to the minute.

Stormy: Ours can show us up to the second.

Bill: Well ours can show the severity of the storms by color!

Stormy: Ours is done by smell!

Bill: Ours is in 3-D!!!

Stormy: Ours can actually bring the storm to your living room by raining through your TV set and sending bolts of lightning at your couch.

Bill: LIAR!

Stormy: AM NOT!

Bill: ARE TOO!

Stormy: AM NOT!

Bill: TOO TOO TOO TOO TOO TOO TOO TOO TOO TOO…

Stormy: NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT…

Then a girly slapfight would break out with the two making sure they don't mess up their hair, because that’s how I imagine weatherguys fight. All the while the sports reporters would be cheering them on and high-fiving each other in the bar. Off in the corner the guy who usually does the Adopt-A-Pet segments on Sunday mornings would be calling play by play because that's the only practice at reporting he can get hoping that, one day, they may call him up to the big show on weeknights at 11.

But he's just wasting his breath, because they'll never call him up. Just when he thinks he'll get a shot at the big desk with the really comfortable seats, the station will hire some new smooth talking anchorman with a baratone voice, great smile, and god-like hair. It won't seem fair to our Adopt-A-Pet fellow because he figures he knows this city far better and loves his community much more than the new 'Golden Boy'. Alas, he will accept that he will never get a break then drink a fifth of cheap Boone's Farm wine, climb atop of the massive Super MEGA Doppler 10000 radar and plunge to his death.

When you think about it, all of this tragedy happened just because we wanted to see if it was raining and all we had to do was look out of the window.

-B
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