Haven't we done this before?

It's been over a year since I've posted out here. Why do I neglect this blog so much? I think the answer is simple. I like taking my potential and flushing it down the crapper. That's just how I roll.

Here's the skinny. I was thinking about scrapping this entire blog and starting from scratch, but that doesn't seem right to kill all of this content. Instead, I think I'll just do a half-ass reboot of sorts where we start posting again and just let the content guide the format. There will be a few tweaks and changes in the process

I've got a ton of things to catch up on, this blog included, so I'll get back to cracking. I just wanted to post really quick to say I haven't forgotten...even though I have. There's going to be some news coming later. My friends and I have some cool things cooking at the moment. We're writing some videos, sketches, and new blogs. Once we get all of that rolling, we'll put it all up somewhere.

A lot coming down the chute...a lot!

Here's a few things for funsies.

Don't shave it. Save it!

'God, I love having a moustache!'


-Bart

Pull up a chair and kill a few minutes.

Here's what we've been entertaining ourselves with these days:

* Feel like singin' the blues?

* This guy is totally better than your kids. And he proves it even more in part 2.

*
I hate it when things don't go to plan...

Enjoy yourselves with that.
Bart

Obey!

Bob Ross demands that you obey...


Click me to do my bidding!


He wants you to go see me do stand-up comedy on April 9th in Clarendon, VA.

Details here.

Anything else you need to know? Ask these guys.

See ya!
Bart

Dropped in...

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.

If I could only get my kid to do this...


Cat Poop - video powered by Metacafe

-Bart

By the way, if you're going to be in Arlington, VA tomorrow night, stop by Dr. Dremo's for a free stand-up comedy show. I'll be in the lineup.

Also, January 17 @ 8pm, I'll be in the Improvisational show at the DC Improv. Get your tickets early, because these things always sell out.

Monkey see, monkey do...evil.

Those monkeys always sneak up on you.

Here's a couple links to put you in the Christmas spirit:

Now you've got Santa where you want him.

Who wants some eggnog and whole bottle of sleeping pills?

By the way, if you're going to be in DC Wednesday night, stop by the DC Improv for a free improvisational show. I'll buy you a beer. I'll even help you drink it, if you want.

Random Christmas Musings...

What a prick.

Christmas is upon us, like another herpes outbreak. Yipee! Anyway, here are some random holiday thoughts I've had:

• Nothing says, "I have no idea what to get you," like cash and a card.

• We've had to institute a new rule in the house. 'Thou shalt not puke on the Christmas tree.'

• Santa still owes me back from 1987.

• Eggnog is one of the easiest mixes of hooch to throw up...

• ...rumballs are not.

• Its not officially Christmas time until someone in your neighborhood falls off the ladder putting up the lights.

• Is the family of Malcom X alright with folks using his name for X-Mas?

• Is that where Kwanzaa came from?

• Is it 'One horse open sleigh', or 'One whore soap and sleigh'? I think it's the latter.

• If those deer in your front yard are so 'animated', how come they haven't jumped out in front of traffic like real deer?

• Who else wants to shoot the inflatable yard decorations with a BB gun?

• I like opening my presents very carefully and methodically. Why? Because it pisses you off.

• Just because it has the logo of my favorite sports team, doesn't mean I want it. (New Orleans Saints socks, anyone?)

• Maybe next time, you'll get me cash and a card.

• Now I know why my Dad wanted to sleep in on Christmas morning.

• It sucks to be broke around the holidays. That's why I'm going to steal my son's toys, rewrap them, and give them back to him. He'll never know the difference.

• Santa is great leverage for making children behave...

• ...so is holding a gun to the family dog's head...

• ...but it doesn't work on the family fish. Nobody cares about the fish.

• While you're enjoying your present, I'm going to go play with the box.

• If you don't have a chimney on your house, how does Santa get in? If he does pick your locks, where did he learn that? Probably in the joint.

• Sure, everyone wants to put the 'Christ' back in 'Christmas', but when are we going to put the 'Christ' back in 'Chrysler'?

• I vote that we put the 'Cha' back in 'Chanukah'.

• Baby Jesus in your Nativity scene makes a great football. But if your score a touchdown, don't spike him. Jesus doesn't like showboating.

Have a happy whatever you call it...

Bart

New Orleans Saints...nice.

42-17. What a magical set of numbers. My Saints did it again, and this time put a whippin' on the Cowboys. I'm sure you'll hear about it on ESPN or something. But I'm just thrilled to see them play a great game.

It looks like being a life-long fan of these guys may start shaping up to pay its dividends. Or I just might be jinxing them by writing this. I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be successful...except for that stint I had as Rosie O'Donnell's personal chef. (How random was that reference?)

Geaux Saints!
Bart

"Where'd he go?" "Where'd who go?"

One of these days I'm going to learn to stop saying that I'll post more. I'm such a liar. I know, I could lie more and say I was busy working on my epic lymeric about a gentleman from Nantucket. But I won't do that to you. It's not fair to you, the readers, and it's not fair to that small New England community. (Is Nantucket in New England?)

Anyway, here's the brief rundown of what's been happening with me...

1. First and foremost, I got married. Hooray for us!
2. I'm finally back to doing stand-up comedy after a little hiatus. Shows and dates to come.
3. My Saints are playing pretty hot right now. There will be more sports related posts (if I post).
4. My LSU Tigers aren't too shabby either.
5. The Pilates are really working out for me.

That about covers everything I can think of at the moment. So, stay tuned...if you dare! Aw, who am I trying to intimidate? All I can do is shake my chubby finger at you guys, and, let's face it, that's got no pull nowadays.

Enjoy,
Bart (Yeah, I'm using my real name...don't ask why.)

Time for a Pep Talk

(This is something I've been scribbling for a little while. I'll admit, it is a bit overdramatic, and some of those things I don't do often ((poop jokes)). Hopefully, you'll get the point of it though.)

So your friends have told you that you’re funny? You tell great stories at parties. Everyone says you should be a comedian.

So you want to be a comedian? Are you sure?

Are you willing to drive hours away from your house to do five minutes worth of material?

You want to obsess over your material all week long, just to perform it for 3 people?

Are you willing to tackle and conquer nerves and anxiety that is so bad you almost pass out walking up to the stage?

You want to come home in the wee hours of the morning, excited to tell someone that you did good, but be a little sad because everyone is asleep?

You want to hear complete strangers, who obviously don’t ‘get it’, demand a joke from you in the course of a casual conversation?

You want to spend hours upon hours trying to get the wording right for a poop joke?

You want to spend every free moment beating yourself up because you didn’t say the ‘f’ word in the right spot of your set?

Are you willing to constantly whore yourself out by bombarding your friends and relatives with mass emails and phone calls to get publicity?

You want to spend years paying your dues with little to no chance for outright success?

Do you want to do ‘corporate gigs’ where you have to perform for a mass of people that don’t want to see you anyway?

Are you willing to come to that point where success is not a sure shot, but you’ll quit your day job anyway for that chance?

Are you willing to become a pawn in backstage politics, even though you don’t want to be involved anyway?

Are you sure you want all of this? Yes? Good. Because that’s what it takes, and you, the foolhardy, will do all of this for that one simple thing…the laughter of the crowd. And if you go through all of this for that one simple goal, then, my friend, you’re doing it for the right reasons.

Trust me. It’s all worth it.
-Y2

I'm back...as if you cared.

Hi everybody! I'm back. Did you miss me? I didn't think so.

Actually, I had to post, due to threats I received. I won't say who threatened me, but let's just say their names rhyme with 'Germans'! So anyway, here's what's been happening lately (in no particular order).

• I've been doing some more stand-up comedy. I think I've been getting a little better. Well, at least I have more material, so thats at least something. And something BIG is in the works.
• Our improv troupe has been doing pretty well. If you get a chance, stop on by our website and look us up. www.thenextbestthingimprov.com
• I'm still getting ready for my wedding. October 28th. Goodbye single Y2Cajun, and hello pitiful shell of a man. I say that in jest...but I'll still be pitiful.

Anyway, stay tuned. More updates and postings to follow...if the Kaiser has anything to say about it.

-Y2Cajun

Where There's a Will...

Ok, so I'm still on the downhill track. In my old age, as I say this tongue-in-cheek, I've been thinking about death, and how wonderful it's gonna be. I've also been thinking about making a will and I thought I'd share it with you as I'm working on it.

I, the Y2Cajun, being of sound mind…not stable, but sound, do hereby state the following:

If I am on a respirator, pull the plug…but shoot me in the face, just so it’ll look like I went out like a badass.

Instead of a normal funeral and burial, jam a bunch of candy up my ass, tie me to a tree, and let the neighborhood kids whack me with a stick.

Furthermore, I bequeath all of my worldly possessions to the winner of a no-holds barred steel cage match. If you want my stuff, you gotta earn it!

I can't wait for the steel cage match...that's going to be fun!

-Y2

Downhill Only Leaves You at the Bottom.

I just turned 30 a couple of weeks ago and someone told me, "It's all downhill from here." That's funny, because when I turned 18 someone else told me the same thing. Then just the other day a friend of mine turned 40 a few days ago and said the same thing.

Let's get our damn stories straight! When does the downhill arc really begin? With all of these conflicting ages, it started to piss me off. So I did a little research and I found out exactly when it all goes downhill. And lucky you, dear reader, I'll let you in on the secret. The downhill ride begins when you get potty trained.

Don't believe me? I'll explain it then. Before you're potty trained, you have a person waiting on you hand a foot to clothe, feed, and remove you from your own filth. It's all about you. You start crying, someone is there to find out what's wrong a fix it. Usually it takes a toy or a cookie. You hurt yourself, someone will be there to tell you it's ok. The whole world is yours for the taking.

And right when we have the world in the palm of our hands, what do we do? We start feeling cocky and independent. We make the mistake of wanting to do everything ourselves. Next thing you know, you're doing things for yourself and it feels pretty good. And when you want someone to do something for you, that's when the wheels of your plan fall off. They say, "Well you can do it our your own now."

All of a sudden, these people that were breaking their backs for you start ignoring you. They start expecting you to do things. You've got to start contributing. Welcome to the downhill ride...don't forget your helmet. (You can tell I'm a parent now, huh?)

The downhill ride seems like a ride you can't get off, right? Wrong! I'm working on a plan for that. From now on, I'm gonna stop being so independent. I'll stop trying to do everything for myself. Now I've got to make sure this plan is executed very slowly at first. Maybe I'll forget how to use a fork and spoon for a day, or forget how to drive. Then the concept of writing checks and paying bills will become foreign to me. Tying my shoes will flabbergast me next. Then I'll stop using words like 'flabbergast' and revert back to 'baba' and 'poopoo'.

Speaking of poopoo, that'll be the coup de grace of my plan. I'll just start crapping myself...a lot! And if someone makes the mistake of changing me, that's when I know I can take off life's helmet, and enjoy the ride back uphill.

Don't worry, I'll make sure to wave 'bye bye' as I pass you on your downhill slide.

-Y2

Papa was a rolling stone...

Did you miss me? I didn't think so.

It's kind of weird. I've been away from the blog for so long, and so many things have happened, and I have no idea where to start. I guess I should start at the beginning. I was born to Albanian immigrants in 1934... Ok, maybe I wasn't, but it'd be a lot more interesting if I was.

Well, I'm just posting to let you all know that I'm still alive and doing ok. I'm also posting to whore myself out...as usual. Catch me at Dr. Dremo's open mic show on June 21st. Also, if you know of anyone who would needs a comedian for an event...and who wouldn't...get in contact with me. I'm for hire. I can be contacted at Y2Cajun@gmail.com

-Y2

Just dropping by for a second...

Hey all,

I know I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy looking for a new place to live. Luckily my fiance and I found a pad to call home.

That was the good news, now the bad...I probably won't post much in the next few weeks because I've been temporarily transferred at work, so my commute has grown from 23 miles (one way) to 60 miles. But once that's done and we get settled into the new house I'll be back up and running.

Ok, enough bad news, back to some more good news. I've got two stand-up comedy gigs coming up next week. Monday, March 20 at 9pm in DC at the SoHo Coffeehouse and Wednesday, March 22 at 8pm in Arlington at Dr. Dremo's. If you've got nothing to do, come on out and check out live comedy...hey, why not? They don't cost nothing.

-Y2

No hard feelings...

For those of you who didn't make it to the show Sunday night...don't worry about it. I guess Sunday night in a mall, for a crowd of 20, where 15 of them are comics, doesn't garner much enthusiasm for a gig. Oh well, stage time is stage time, so I won't complain. And I did get some laughs, which is a tough thing to do when you're performing for fellow comics.

Other than that, let's see what's been happening. Oh yeah, the Oscars were also on Sunday...and I don't care.

Well, looks like we're all up to date.

-Y2

The Rebellion Continues...

Two nights in a row...woo hoo! I'll see you at AA.

Here's more silly links...

Everything you've wanted to know about Chuck Norris

They're evil, I tell ya!

-Y2

Join the Rebellion!

There's something about getting a buzz on a school night. I feel like a rebel!

Enjoy the silly links...

Idiot's Guide to Life

More Arts and Crafts

-Y2

My Tuesday is fatter than your Tuesday.

Happy Mardi Gras everyone! Get your sinning in before we have to feel guilty for it.

Unfortunately I missed the first part of it: Palm Sunday. That’s when us Catholics all go to church and get a palm branch to take home. I don’t remember the significance of it. I think it’s supposed to represent when Jesus went to the Virgin Islands or something. I don’t remember it all, but Jesus had something to do with virgins, right? Or was it that the only chicks he could nail had to be virgins? My theology studies are lacking.

What little I do remember about Palm Sunday is that a palm branch isn’t a smart thing to give to a bunch of kids. When I was a kid my friends and I would take our palms and go out in the backyard and have branch fights. And we would whip the ever loving hell out of each other. One time my parents caught us coming back all bloody and they lost their minds. They yelled, “What the hell were ya’ll doing?” We answered, “We were just playing ‘Jesus’.”

After Palm Sunday comes Fat Tuesday, which we all know what that is. Then there is Ash Wednesday, or as I like to call it, ‘Dirt on Your Head Day’. This is what really kicks off the 40 days of Lent where we don’t eat meat on Fridays until Easter. But sometimes I can’t handle that. That’s why I carry around a can of SPAM, just in case of an emergency. We also supposed give something up during Lent. I guess its symbolic that the sacrifice we make is just like Jesus’ sacrifice. So me giving up gummy bears is supposed to be comparable to Jesus getting tortured and crucified. That seems fair enough to me.

Usually I try to give up an everyday bad habit drinking coffee or doing coke off of the asses of crackwhores. I gotta say though, forty days without those things can get really tough.

Want to play Jesus too? Click here!

-Y2

You've trained your whole life for this.

I hope you've all trained for the Ultimate Showdown! Click here if you're ready.

-Y2